Tolerate or show Tolerance?

These last two weeks I've been learning and understanding something that I have needed for a long time. I've always had elements of understanding and tolerance in my life. I have often tried to understand others and give people the benefit of the doubt in my judgments. There has recently been some things learned that have given me a better ability to understand and apply true tolerance and I thought I would share. 

So what is tolerance. I used to think of it more as putting up with something you may or may not have any control over. Perhaps a certain person that bugs you, a child that is disobedient or bratty, or someone taking forever to get back to you or actually follow through with something they said they would do. We tolerate people and situations every day. But that's not tolerance. 

As with many things in the gospel there is a slight difference in these two very similar actions. But that difference makes all the difference to who we are, how we see others and the attitudes we have of life and those we are in it with. Now let me show you what I mean.

Lets say there's a mother who is trying to teach a child how to brush her teeth. This is going to take a few tries wouldn't you think? Well, she does too thankfully and goes over it each night for a week. She's already been teaching the child for a long time and helping her understand that it's important to do it every morning and night. So when the daughter gets ready for bed, brushes her teeth and goes to say prayers what does her mom and dad say and do when they inspect her abilities? 

They notice the drying toothpaste on her cheek and a piece of broccoli still stuck in one little nook, and they tell her to go try again. In this example there could be both tolerance or an attitude of tolerating. When Christ shows us tolerance, can you see Him being sassy or sarcastic and getting upset? I think of Him laughing just a little at our inability and also being grateful for our growth and desire to try. He knows where we are at. He knows that we sometimes just don't get it and will need time to progress and learn things that we need to understand. Tolerance embodies feelings of care and consideration. When you love a child it's easier to be patient with them and understand where they are in life. With your significant other or even just in trying to date and getting to know others we can run into this a lot. Sometimes we just need to remember that other people think differently than us. 

Recently I ran into this in dating. I was trying to get to know a girl who had some bad experiences with other guys before me. This happens to all of us in one way or another but this girl was really cautious. I gave her some space and tried to be patient but didn't get much further until I managed to talk to her about it. Thankfully we both came to understand each-other and I realized I hadn't considered what she had gone through or why she wasn't being very talkative. I knew I didn't understand and thankfully that is what made it possible for me to back off and let her know I was a normal guy that just wanted to get to know her a little better. Now after hearing about what she had dealt with before I totally understand why she had acted the way she did. I was glad that I didn't write her off and get upset because of my pride. Instead of tolerating her I feel like I was trying to show tolerance, understanding, and giving her the benefit of the doubt until I learned otherwise. 


"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so... righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness, nor misery, neither good nor bad."

2 Nephi 2: 10-12 In my initial observation of these passages I did not at all think they taught about how to love others. These verses talk about opposition in all things, and how it must be so. I feel that if we can change our attitude and perspective of people sometimes, it would be much easier to be understanding and loving. If we could see the struggles that others have and the intricate and necessary part of life opposition is- then we wouldn’t judge them for those struggles... but simply love and appreciate people for who they are and where they are at in their lives. Having a realistic understanding of how challenges shape and improve us can help to appreciate and love people for who they are and the struggles they have.


If we can love one another enough to where we really want the best for that person I think we can easily practice Christ like tolerance. Similarly the Lord wants for us to trust in Him and know that those things he puts in our lives to challenge us can become strengthening experiences as we exercise our trust in Him. Work through them and understand that everyone else has weaknesses and struggles too. Be patient and understanding and I think your journey will be a little easier to handle. And you also will be blessed with the ability to understand and appreciate those that might otherwise frustrate and try your patience.