Sunday, January 30, 2011

What you do, says more than what you say!

I wanted to simply educate and say something interesting about communication today till I can wright out my other thoughts and post them. So for now this is quoted from -How to Hug a Porcupine-

In interpersonal communication there are three primary message systems. The first is "facial expression and body language" As much as 55% of meaning is derived from looking at a person's countenance, posture, and demeanor. This means the interpretation is visual. It is centered in the eyes. The second message system is the "tone of voice". About 37% of how we interpret meaning comes to us from our ears. The tone and intensity of volume we hear helps us to understand the central idea that is being communicated. The third message system is the choice of words. Only 8% of meaning is attributed to the actual words we use.
Ironically, we do our best communicating when we are negative! In other words, when we are upset, our facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and words are consistent. All three message systems are sending the same signals. This, of course, makes it easy to understand and interpret the message. However clear our message, if it is toxic it will be poorly recieved.
We do our worst communicating in the positive. Because we are not as animated when sending neutral or positive messages, it is more difficult to dicern intent. When someone is yelling and screaming, their eyes are bugging out of their heads, and they are waiving their arms up and down, it is safe to assume the person is upset, angry, and negative. However, when someone pays us a compliment and they are calm, serene, and smiling, many of us question the sincerity of their words. Meaning becomes more difficult to interpret.


I hope this helps.. and let me add this old adage to help you get what's being said.
"What you do speaks so loudly I can't hear what you are saying"

Relationships are limited by what each party is willing to contribute to make it happen- but each person must define what is enough for each relationship. That means how much time, money, energy, and recources you are willing to give to that relationship. If there is a toxic person you're dealing with you must remember that you cannot base your relationship on pleasing them because they cannot be satisfied, nor can YOU controll them! You will gain strength controll and respect, not to mention a healthier relationship, when you live by what you know is best and only give that much.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Begin Agains

The time to start anew.. the time for looking forward and refreshing that zeal you once had for the dreams and goals you have. The New Year! It's gotten off to a good start and I know it will continue to improve the rest of the year.
However something I have to keep reminding myself is just how easy it is to focus on that future. How much we can get caught up in the dreams goals and hopes that will be realized tomorrow. What I find myself forgetting is that HERE, NOW and TODAY is when my future is secured! This is the day I accomplish what I want and do what it takes to get there!
A dream is a goal.. not written down.

There is great truth in this saying and others like it. We can hope and dream all we want but having a list, having a picture, seeing it and knowing difinitively what it is you want makes it so much easier to hold yourself accountable to reaching it. We need these goals and they need to be defined physically in some way- and lists are great! I have a few goals I'll share-

Attend the Temple at least 60 times this year!
Ease someone's burden every week.
Attend school or vocational training
Read the New Testament
finish D&C :)
Get closer to my family- especially my Nieces and Nephews!
Draw a portrait. Haven't done that in 7 years!
Finish my oil painting!
All of these are goals and some are much more easily measured than others but they are written down. I know I can accomplish all these things- I've already been to the temple 4 times this month so I'm on my way. That brings me to my final point- accountability!
We may set these goals and wright them down but we need to tell our friends so they help hold us to them! We need to eveluate ourselves at least monthly and see how we're doing. Make sure we've actually made progress.. and see how we can continue working towards the goals we've set. I know this will be a great year for me and I hope yours is too!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I can

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I CAN adjust my sails to reach my destination.
-Brian Tracy