In interpersonal communication there are three primary message systems. The first is "facial expression and body language" As much as 55% of meaning is derived from looking at a person's countenance, posture, and demeanor. This means the interpretation is visual. It is centered in the eyes. The second message system is the "tone of voice". About 37% of how we interpret meaning comes to us from our ears. The tone and intensity of volume we hear helps us to understand the central idea that is being communicated. The third message system is the choice of words. Only 8% of meaning is attributed to the actual words we use.
Ironically, we do our best communicating when we are negative! In other words, when we are upset, our facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and words are consistent. All three message systems are sending the same signals. This, of course, makes it easy to understand and interpret the message. However clear our message, if it is toxic it will be poorly recieved.
We do our worst communicating in the positive. Because we are not as animated when sending neutral or positive messages, it is more difficult to dicern intent. When someone is yelling and screaming, their eyes are bugging out of their heads, and they are waiving their arms up and down, it is safe to assume the person is upset, angry, and negative. However, when someone pays us a compliment and they are calm, serene, and smiling, many of us question the sincerity of their words. Meaning becomes more difficult to interpret.
I hope this helps.. and let me add this old adage to help you get what's being said.
"What you do speaks so loudly I can't hear what you are saying"
Relationships are limited by what each party is willing to contribute to make it happen- but each person must define what is enough for each relationship. That means how much time, money, energy, and recources you are willing to give to that relationship. If there is a toxic person you're dealing with you must remember that you cannot base your relationship on pleasing them because they cannot be satisfied, nor can YOU controll them! You will gain strength controll and respect, not to mention a healthier relationship, when you live by what you know is best and only give that much.
